Makeup tips from a seven year old
My youngest son recently had an interesting interaction with a teenage boy who is living with a nearby neighbor.
He was helping our neighbor set up her Christmas decorations, and this boy came out to watch and sat on the stoop.
"Why do you paint your face?" my son matter-of-factly asked this boy who dyed his hair pink and lined his eyes and lips with kohl.
I was far enough away that all I could do was let it play out. I couldn’t intervene, or answer for this boy. And I certainly didn’t want to shush my son or his question. I could but watch from a distance. Curious. Our neighbor, the boy’s foster mother, jumped in to explain. "That’s how he chooses to express himself and we love who he is, so we let him wear makeup on his face," she said.
And like that, my son shrugged and moved on.
Later, he and I talked about the difference between wonder and judgment. I wanted to make sure he could tell them apart, and knew how each sounded on the receiving end.
"Let me ask you a question, and you tell me if it sounds like I’m curious or like I am criticizing you," I said to him, and proceeded to make a game out of these examples in my best valley girl accent.
It lasted about two rounds because that’s about all a seven year old can take before he realizes mom is trying to sneak in a lesson in morality. But that’s okay.
It got me thinking about wonder and judgment in my own life. How often do my own thoughts and lines of questioning come from a place of curiosity and wonder? How often do they stem from judgment?
A simple lesson, clearly meant for me, of course. (Isn’t that always how it works in parenting?)
I’m going to take it from my (almost) seven year old and try to ask more questions, listen without critiquing, and look around for the invitation to wonder a little more often.
But I know I’m going to need some help, so I’m still on the hunt for inspiration on how to do this. It’s hard stuff. But here’s a few things I’ve found so far in case they're helpful to you too!
Braver Angels - from their website: "Braver Angels is a national citizens’ movement to bring liberals and conservatives together at the grassroots level — not to find centrist compromise, but to find one another as citizens." I joined and love the spirit of this organization already!
Divided We Fall: Unity Without Tragedy - along the lines of Braver Angels, an interesting documentary attempting to engage citizens on both sides on what it means to be an American right now. Worth an hour if you have one (I watched while folding my laundry).
Bridging the Political Divide - a free course with Parker Palmer on how to approach the divisive political climate with grace and peace. I continue to be inspired by Parker Palmer.
Mindfulness Daily - a free 40-day meditation series with Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield. I just finished it today and highly recommend it!
Also pondering this quote by Audrey Lorde:
"When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak."
Wishing you time for wonder and the courage to speak the questions! I'd love to hear what's inspiring you these days, drop me an email if you've got something to share! (and don’t forget to sign up for my newsletters if you want to see these posts first! click here to sign up!)
