I love this mug.
I’d like to say it was handmade on Etsy, or that Silas and Will picked it out at a cute little craft shop somewhere in California, running their little fingers over the letters, sounding it out in homage to me.
But no, I found it for $4.99 at TJ Maxx while wandering aimlessly through their kitchen department. (Tell me I’m not the only one who does this). I was probably looking for another spatula that I don’t need, reveling in some alone time.
I love it so much that I even drove back to TJ Maxx the next day when I discovered a crack in it the first time I ran it through the dishwasher. The girl at the register had to call in the manager to give me the exchange. Thank god they had another one. Even if it left me feeling slightly less special.
I looked forward to coming down in the morning and sitting at my computer with a steaming cup of coffee in this mug. One of the few rituals I cling to every day.
And then this happened.
Will knocked it off the table. I should’ve seen it coming, could’ve put it in a better spot. But I didn’t. And I was devastated. Literally. Well, OK, only for a few minutes. And OK, devastated is a little strong. But I was seriously, seriously bummed.
I know it’s just a mug. And I have at least fifteen others. But this one was mine alone and I’d allowed it to somehow define my experience. I loved the humility of the letters and the whimsical nature of the ‘it’s not perfect but it’s mine’ vibe that the mug gave off.
But now I think I love this broken mug even more. Or, this picture of the broken mug.
Now when I look at it, it reminds me that I can’t hold on so tightly to things, especially as they relate to motherhood. I can’t let things define my experience or myself. Because things are going to change. I see that already in my boys. Just when I think I have one stage mastered, they go and fall down screaming in the middle of the floor and leave me staring blankly, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to do now.
So I’m really trying hard to see this as a lesson. Let go. Let go. Let go.
But if anyone happens to see this mug again while wandering aimlessly at TJ, I’ll promise I’ll pay you back!